Here are the before and after shots.
My only excuse for the red in this pic is I was pregnant. It was hideous!
Monday, January 26, 2009
This makes me feel more alive and creative
It took us 2 full days but after 6 years we finally painted the walls in our house. (we only have one hallway left.
Here are the before and after shots.
My only excuse for the red in this pic is I was pregnant. It was hideous!
Here are the before and after shots.
My only excuse for the red in this pic is I was pregnant. It was hideous!
Friday, January 23, 2009
secret #2 continued.....
Being receptive through nature.
Nature is powerful.
It is our life force, we much connect with it and draw energy from it to create, what I would call living art. or art that has a life all its own and really captures that energy.
I tend to go back to childhood and early adult years to remember what really energized me creatively then. (I have become a little dead to the world and am just now 're-finding myself creatively'
I remember (when I was very young) sitting on the ground in my back yard staring with awe at a tree against the sky. There was nothing really remarkable about this tree, but it held me, it gave me a feeling of great joy to just watch this tree. how odd, right - but that is exactly how it was.
Then when I was a bit older, highschool age, I would drive to this lake every chance I got! The place I liked to go was always completely deserted. I would sit there for hours (smoking a cig - ewww) and just meditate of the beauty of everything there.
There was a river which did the same to me, where I met my husband - though I didn't "get to know" the river as well, I would have liked to though.
It doesn't happen all the time, but every now and then, nature will strike me with that energy and move me spiritually for just a moment and then let me go.
I don't always get 'inspired' by this - but it wakes my creative self up a bit.
I do have a santuary for my creativeness. My studio. The second I step foot in there my world is transformed to one all about me and my internal processes. I can leave everything else outside those doors and be completely happy!
If I haven't been there for a while I do sit at my desk just pondering what to do, sometimes nothing happens, and I feel kinda icky when that happens, but the more I go out there the easier creating comes, and I find that if I make something, anything, that will be my inspiration for something else, and so on.
sometimes I have to stop the first thing to move on to the second thing because the inspiration is just too strong to ignore.
Now I can't always get to the studio, so my next santuary is the shower. yup I said the shower.
I get 'lost' in the shower - all the hot water runs out and i must come back to reality. My mind goes everywhere and many an idea hath come from the shower.
I love my shower.
I am not so sure a creative journal would work for me, but I could try. Its just that once inspiration hits instead of writing it down, I must take action. or else explode.
That is happening right now.
as I mentioned in the previous post I have been inspired by bellydancing.
now I am making something out of that inspiration - but I won't say what yet...
I wonder if anyone else out there, like me, thinks that if they tell someone their idea before doing it, it will jinx it and make it turn out badly.
I won't tell anyone, I don't want it jinxed.
oooh rituals,
I definitely have retuals for my studio work.
I have to go in turn on all lights, propane and oxygen, kiln, and radio
then I have to light hand dipped incense (bought off etsy)
and then open a can of Jones Cream Soda.
Then I am ready to begin. All this has to be done.
Stay tuned Secret #3 to come
Nature is powerful.
It is our life force, we much connect with it and draw energy from it to create, what I would call living art. or art that has a life all its own and really captures that energy.
I tend to go back to childhood and early adult years to remember what really energized me creatively then. (I have become a little dead to the world and am just now 're-finding myself creatively'
I remember (when I was very young) sitting on the ground in my back yard staring with awe at a tree against the sky. There was nothing really remarkable about this tree, but it held me, it gave me a feeling of great joy to just watch this tree. how odd, right - but that is exactly how it was.
Then when I was a bit older, highschool age, I would drive to this lake every chance I got! The place I liked to go was always completely deserted. I would sit there for hours (smoking a cig - ewww) and just meditate of the beauty of everything there.
There was a river which did the same to me, where I met my husband - though I didn't "get to know" the river as well, I would have liked to though.
It doesn't happen all the time, but every now and then, nature will strike me with that energy and move me spiritually for just a moment and then let me go.
I don't always get 'inspired' by this - but it wakes my creative self up a bit.
I do have a santuary for my creativeness. My studio. The second I step foot in there my world is transformed to one all about me and my internal processes. I can leave everything else outside those doors and be completely happy!
If I haven't been there for a while I do sit at my desk just pondering what to do, sometimes nothing happens, and I feel kinda icky when that happens, but the more I go out there the easier creating comes, and I find that if I make something, anything, that will be my inspiration for something else, and so on.
sometimes I have to stop the first thing to move on to the second thing because the inspiration is just too strong to ignore.
Now I can't always get to the studio, so my next santuary is the shower. yup I said the shower.
I get 'lost' in the shower - all the hot water runs out and i must come back to reality. My mind goes everywhere and many an idea hath come from the shower.
I love my shower.
I am not so sure a creative journal would work for me, but I could try. Its just that once inspiration hits instead of writing it down, I must take action. or else explode.
That is happening right now.
as I mentioned in the previous post I have been inspired by bellydancing.
now I am making something out of that inspiration - but I won't say what yet...
I wonder if anyone else out there, like me, thinks that if they tell someone their idea before doing it, it will jinx it and make it turn out badly.
I won't tell anyone, I don't want it jinxed.
oooh rituals,
I definitely have retuals for my studio work.
I have to go in turn on all lights, propane and oxygen, kiln, and radio
then I have to light hand dipped incense (bought off etsy)
and then open a can of Jones Cream Soda.
Then I am ready to begin. All this has to be done.
Stay tuned Secret #3 to come
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Secret #2
I am late with this entry due to MLK day and 2 school snow days. My oldest son was out of school for 5 straight days. That leaves me very little blogging time.
So anyways on to the Secret.
"Honoring your inspirations."
I am going to take this chapter in parts.
The first paragraph basically sums it all up
"Creative inspirations seduce us, luring us, charming us, tempting us, and captivating our attention"
(paraphrased)
How can one not respond to this pull? When it beckons I get so wrapped up in the emotions connected, sometimes that is enough other times I must do something with it. What I do varies on the stimulus and how strong it is, how much it weighs on me and stays in my head. If something puts the idea of how a certain piece of jewelry could come out like, I just can't wait to get to the studio and try it. I even get moody if I can't go right away.
but as of right now, I do have an inpiration for some creativity.
I went to the Juggling Gypsy with a friend a few nights ago. She was bellydancing in their show.
I was amazed by it! I was amazed by the movements and loved the outfits.
I went to my first of many bellydance classes with her last night. I had so much fun. The time flew by! I will be going every Wednesday. I don't know if this will lead anywhere, probably not, but is was fun! I will also be going to the bellydance show once a month with her.
I even got some inspiration for jewelry pieces from this experience.
I am excited and anxious to be a part of this creative new world!
I am not comfortable with dance or dramatics at all, but it has always intrigued me. I have never been one to go out of my way to avoid uncomfortable situations, I find it a challenge, and most of the time I win.
Back to the secret now...
The part of the chapter about creative play, brought back memories of myself as a child.
I had a chalkboard, My beloved chalkboard. I would have my mom or dad (usually dad) to tell me something to draw -usually an animal - well almost always it was an animal of some sort. I would draw it and it looked pretty good. Well it to me and my parents told me it did, if I saw something I drew back then, today it would probably look like uh, not much of anything, but I 'remember' it being good. I had an assignment in kindergarten to draw something to do with Halloween, I drew a witch. It was pretty good, even by grown up standards. My mom kept it, and I still like it.
My other childhood inspiration I really remember is paper.
just paper
My mother worked for Bellsouth (Southern Bell at the time)
She would bring home reams of 500 letterhead.
I would "make" things from this paper.
I made 'lanterns'
I made 'a puppet stand' -didn't work out well
I made paper airplanes
I made a plethera of things, I really let my imagination go wild, and I went through so much paper - hardcore recyclists would have been raving mad about it!
This is such a powerful chapter, I am gonna continue in my next post, maybe today, maybe tomorrow - but more to come befor secret 3 is revealed. (I have to go excercise now, while the little one sleeps)
I am late with this entry due to MLK day and 2 school snow days. My oldest son was out of school for 5 straight days. That leaves me very little blogging time.
So anyways on to the Secret.
"Honoring your inspirations."
I am going to take this chapter in parts.
The first paragraph basically sums it all up
"Creative inspirations seduce us, luring us, charming us, tempting us, and captivating our attention"
(paraphrased)
How can one not respond to this pull? When it beckons I get so wrapped up in the emotions connected, sometimes that is enough other times I must do something with it. What I do varies on the stimulus and how strong it is, how much it weighs on me and stays in my head. If something puts the idea of how a certain piece of jewelry could come out like, I just can't wait to get to the studio and try it. I even get moody if I can't go right away.
but as of right now, I do have an inpiration for some creativity.
I went to the Juggling Gypsy with a friend a few nights ago. She was bellydancing in their show.
I was amazed by it! I was amazed by the movements and loved the outfits.
I went to my first of many bellydance classes with her last night. I had so much fun. The time flew by! I will be going every Wednesday. I don't know if this will lead anywhere, probably not, but is was fun! I will also be going to the bellydance show once a month with her.
I even got some inspiration for jewelry pieces from this experience.
I am excited and anxious to be a part of this creative new world!
I am not comfortable with dance or dramatics at all, but it has always intrigued me. I have never been one to go out of my way to avoid uncomfortable situations, I find it a challenge, and most of the time I win.
Back to the secret now...
The part of the chapter about creative play, brought back memories of myself as a child.
I had a chalkboard, My beloved chalkboard. I would have my mom or dad (usually dad) to tell me something to draw -usually an animal - well almost always it was an animal of some sort. I would draw it and it looked pretty good. Well it to me and my parents told me it did, if I saw something I drew back then, today it would probably look like uh, not much of anything, but I 'remember' it being good. I had an assignment in kindergarten to draw something to do with Halloween, I drew a witch. It was pretty good, even by grown up standards. My mom kept it, and I still like it.
My other childhood inspiration I really remember is paper.
just paper
My mother worked for Bellsouth (Southern Bell at the time)
She would bring home reams of 500 letterhead.
I would "make" things from this paper.
I made 'lanterns'
I made 'a puppet stand' -didn't work out well
I made paper airplanes
I made a plethera of things, I really let my imagination go wild, and I went through so much paper - hardcore recyclists would have been raving mad about it!
This is such a powerful chapter, I am gonna continue in my next post, maybe today, maybe tomorrow - but more to come befor secret 3 is revealed. (I have to go excercise now, while the little one sleeps)
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Sun Salutation
Fingers touch the sky
as clouds rush past them
Breathe
The wind caress them as they lower to the earth
Breathe
hovering for a moment, then
glide into the sun's glorious warmth
Breathe
glancing back to the earth
hands sweep through the air
to brush the clouds once again
Breathe
Namaste
as clouds rush past them
Breathe
The wind caress them as they lower to the earth
Breathe
hovering for a moment, then
glide into the sun's glorious warmth
Breathe
glancing back to the earth
hands sweep through the air
to brush the clouds once again
Breathe
Namaste
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Secret #1
I am not sure what I hope to get out of this, I already know I am creative. Maybe to amplify and clarify my creative self. It gets lost sometimes.
This chapter mentions taking risks, even if it means being wrong. I know I do that, probably to a fault. I will try something without ever sitting with it long enough to evaluate the chances of success.
ie. my etsy store. When I found etsy, I didn't know anything about it, I just jumped right in even with terrible photos and started listing items before ever getting my storefront ready.
But that isn't really being creative, just overly eager.
My ultimate creation, is my children. I have felt compelled to "create" the perfect little people. It is really unfair to them, but I have been almost compulsive about what my older son is exposed to. My younger son, not so much - I have let it go a bit lately.
But in this caretaking, My artistic self has been stifled. It screams to be let out. I feel like I always HAVE to do something or my 'self' will collapse.
I cannot always go to my studio to create, so I have let loose on painting, that felt wonderful for a while. but it got old, I moved on to pen and ink drawings (I CANNOT draw, so it wasn't as satisfying). then I was able to get outside more and I utilized my kiln, that fueled my artistic fire as long as I could go. Then things got too hectic to get out for several hours at a time, so I exploded into yarn art - hats and animals -(previous post).
I feel like my creative self is disorganized and chaotic. I can't focus on one thing and then when I can I stand there lost sometimes not knowing where to begin, yet wanting to begin everywhere.
There is one major obstacle for me, $$.
I want to channel my creative self into a career. I want to merge the two.
But when I am creating with $$ signs in my eyes, then what I am making suffers. I don't know why. It always comes out better when I am creating without the stress of 'will it sell'.
Those are limitations which inhibit my freedom.
the problems are if I spend too long on something I have to charge more - If I try to do it faster craftsmenship suffers (I won't sell anything with poor craftsmenship) Then all that time is wasted.
If I make it too complex, I have to charge more and it won't sell.
If I make it too simple - no one will be interested.
I hate these limitations I place upon myself.
It is nice when I don't have a show coming up - I feel freer to create whatever I like regardless of external reasons to, or not to, do something.
Also I do question my own creativity oftens,
like "am I taking to many ideas from others?" or "Is this creative at all or just technical"
I think I am drawn toward the jewelry because it is very technical. I can mull over ideas while assembling something else, or soldering things together.
I like to paint because of the freedom it offers - it doesn't have to be technical at all! it can be quick or slow it can be ugly or pretty - it just doesn't matter - (and if you screw up, you aren't out of gobs of money)
(I feel judgment from all around, I don't know if I need this to better myself or if it crushes my creative spirit just a little each time, my hubby is my worst critic - and yet I need his input even if it hurts)
to quote the chapter itself...
I think what my soul wants is "freedom to express all my creative impulses without judgement."
This chapter mentions taking risks, even if it means being wrong. I know I do that, probably to a fault. I will try something without ever sitting with it long enough to evaluate the chances of success.
ie. my etsy store. When I found etsy, I didn't know anything about it, I just jumped right in even with terrible photos and started listing items before ever getting my storefront ready.
But that isn't really being creative, just overly eager.
My ultimate creation, is my children. I have felt compelled to "create" the perfect little people. It is really unfair to them, but I have been almost compulsive about what my older son is exposed to. My younger son, not so much - I have let it go a bit lately.
But in this caretaking, My artistic self has been stifled. It screams to be let out. I feel like I always HAVE to do something or my 'self' will collapse.
I cannot always go to my studio to create, so I have let loose on painting, that felt wonderful for a while. but it got old, I moved on to pen and ink drawings (I CANNOT draw, so it wasn't as satisfying). then I was able to get outside more and I utilized my kiln, that fueled my artistic fire as long as I could go. Then things got too hectic to get out for several hours at a time, so I exploded into yarn art - hats and animals -(previous post).
I feel like my creative self is disorganized and chaotic. I can't focus on one thing and then when I can I stand there lost sometimes not knowing where to begin, yet wanting to begin everywhere.
There is one major obstacle for me, $$.
I want to channel my creative self into a career. I want to merge the two.
But when I am creating with $$ signs in my eyes, then what I am making suffers. I don't know why. It always comes out better when I am creating without the stress of 'will it sell'.
Those are limitations which inhibit my freedom.
the problems are if I spend too long on something I have to charge more - If I try to do it faster craftsmenship suffers (I won't sell anything with poor craftsmenship) Then all that time is wasted.
If I make it too complex, I have to charge more and it won't sell.
If I make it too simple - no one will be interested.
I hate these limitations I place upon myself.
It is nice when I don't have a show coming up - I feel freer to create whatever I like regardless of external reasons to, or not to, do something.
Also I do question my own creativity oftens,
like "am I taking to many ideas from others?" or "Is this creative at all or just technical"
I think I am drawn toward the jewelry because it is very technical. I can mull over ideas while assembling something else, or soldering things together.
I like to paint because of the freedom it offers - it doesn't have to be technical at all! it can be quick or slow it can be ugly or pretty - it just doesn't matter - (and if you screw up, you aren't out of gobs of money)
(I feel judgment from all around, I don't know if I need this to better myself or if it crushes my creative spirit just a little each time, my hubby is my worst critic - and yet I need his input even if it hurts)
to quote the chapter itself...
I think what my soul wants is "freedom to express all my creative impulses without judgement."
Friday, January 9, 2009
Crochet
This is a bit of a picture post. A couple of months before christmas, I got inspired by several people.
Bridget -knit
Gina - crochet
and Lemon - both
these people all used yarn to express themselves creatively.
I wanted to do the same. Of course in my own way. So I learned how to knit. I started with scarves and quickly grew tired of that. so I moved to making a hat. I love the hat I made (first pic) but I found I did not like to knit. I already had some crochet background and just simply love that more.
So off I moved to crochet. I made a blanket when I was in college - it is my sons beloved BGB (big green blanket) I also made him a round blanket and have an unfinished blue one.
but on to the present...
I began with a hat. It sucked. (no pic)
Then I made another hat - (the one with the pom pom on top) I love that one, so thick and warm!
Then I made the red and white hat pictured below. I learned a new stitch with this. I have never done different stitches before, I love the effect. This is a small hat, it would fit a 6 month old, though it is tighter around the base, I am not sure I like that about it.
By this time I got tired of hats, I sure do grow tired of things quickly enough, don't I?
So I made a pumpkin for thanksgiving. It is so cute. I then wanted to make more animals and toys.
Also I have no money for christmas presents, so I thought I would just crochet an animal for each person to meet his/her personality.
I made a dragon for my favorite little 4 year old girl. I am told she likes dragons. I really like how it turned out, I wish I had gotten a picture.
I made a purple dolphin for Bridget (she loves purple and dolphins)
again no pic
I made ladybug magnets for Bridget's MIL and SIL and for my mom and my SIL.
They were rather random but cute, again no pic.
But my favorite items are my last couple of pics, I made these for my boys.
My youngest, whom I affectionately call "monster" loves monsters so I made him a monster, my older son picked out the color for it.
And my last project was a Lizard for my older son, who loves spending his time outside catching lizards! and his favorite color is green.
enjoy the pics. I am resting from crochet for now.
Oh also pictured below is a camera case I made for my new camera, not pretty but very funtional.
Bridget -knit
Gina - crochet
and Lemon - both
these people all used yarn to express themselves creatively.
I wanted to do the same. Of course in my own way. So I learned how to knit. I started with scarves and quickly grew tired of that. so I moved to making a hat. I love the hat I made (first pic) but I found I did not like to knit. I already had some crochet background and just simply love that more.
So off I moved to crochet. I made a blanket when I was in college - it is my sons beloved BGB (big green blanket) I also made him a round blanket and have an unfinished blue one.
but on to the present...
I began with a hat. It sucked. (no pic)
Then I made another hat - (the one with the pom pom on top) I love that one, so thick and warm!
Then I made the red and white hat pictured below. I learned a new stitch with this. I have never done different stitches before, I love the effect. This is a small hat, it would fit a 6 month old, though it is tighter around the base, I am not sure I like that about it.
By this time I got tired of hats, I sure do grow tired of things quickly enough, don't I?
So I made a pumpkin for thanksgiving. It is so cute. I then wanted to make more animals and toys.
Also I have no money for christmas presents, so I thought I would just crochet an animal for each person to meet his/her personality.
I made a dragon for my favorite little 4 year old girl. I am told she likes dragons. I really like how it turned out, I wish I had gotten a picture.
I made a purple dolphin for Bridget (she loves purple and dolphins)
again no pic
I made ladybug magnets for Bridget's MIL and SIL and for my mom and my SIL.
They were rather random but cute, again no pic.
But my favorite items are my last couple of pics, I made these for my boys.
My youngest, whom I affectionately call "monster" loves monsters so I made him a monster, my older son picked out the color for it.
And my last project was a Lizard for my older son, who loves spending his time outside catching lizards! and his favorite color is green.
enjoy the pics. I am resting from crochet for now.
Oh also pictured below is a camera case I made for my new camera, not pretty but very funtional.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I feel great!
For the past 2 weeks I have been exersizing. I began with 20 minutes on the treadmill, and 30 minutes of yoga directly after.
I walk slower for one minute, then fast for 3 minutes then slow for one, then fast 3 - and so on till 20 minutes have gone by.
It was almost impossible for me to reach 20 minutes at first.
Now I require myself to complete those first 20 minutes then access my body to see how much more I can handle
well getting to those first 20 is hell, but then it is odd how my body almost goes numb, nothing hurts anymore and I feel like I am on top of the world.
I now after the first 20 - walk slow 2 then fast 2 up to the 30 minute mark. Then walk fast for 10 straight minutes, and sing along with the radio while doing it!
I am still doing my 30 minutes of yoga after the walking.
I had gotten thick around the middle over the past few months. So I am trying to slim back down, I would love to have the body of a 20 year old, though highly unlikely to ever happen.
I have odd pregnancy fat left over in my belly area. I also had some kind of separation during pregnancy, I am not sure what that is all about or if it is contributing to my thick look.
But tell ya what, I feel wonderful, so much stronger and so much more energy. My house is so very clean now!
Oh and another reason for doing this is I AM GOING SURFING AGAIN THIS YEAR- sharks be damned!!
I walk slower for one minute, then fast for 3 minutes then slow for one, then fast 3 - and so on till 20 minutes have gone by.
It was almost impossible for me to reach 20 minutes at first.
Now I require myself to complete those first 20 minutes then access my body to see how much more I can handle
well getting to those first 20 is hell, but then it is odd how my body almost goes numb, nothing hurts anymore and I feel like I am on top of the world.
I now after the first 20 - walk slow 2 then fast 2 up to the 30 minute mark. Then walk fast for 10 straight minutes, and sing along with the radio while doing it!
I am still doing my 30 minutes of yoga after the walking.
I had gotten thick around the middle over the past few months. So I am trying to slim back down, I would love to have the body of a 20 year old, though highly unlikely to ever happen.
I have odd pregnancy fat left over in my belly area. I also had some kind of separation during pregnancy, I am not sure what that is all about or if it is contributing to my thick look.
But tell ya what, I feel wonderful, so much stronger and so much more energy. My house is so very clean now!
Oh and another reason for doing this is I AM GOING SURFING AGAIN THIS YEAR- sharks be damned!!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
freedom to write
As much as I am looking forward to the blogging circle, I am a bit apprehensive.
This means people will most likely actually be reading what I write. I feel rather safe knowing no one is reading,
I hope I can get over that and write freely, and not feel like I have to hold back or worse, censor what I write.
I am not used to really letting my thoughts go, I tend to offend.
This means people will most likely actually be reading what I write. I feel rather safe knowing no one is reading,
I hope I can get over that and write freely, and not feel like I have to hold back or worse, censor what I write.
I am not used to really letting my thoughts go, I tend to offend.
Monday, January 5, 2009
I ordered my book off of ebay, I got it for $5. I am looking forward to beginning reading it. I love waiting for things I ordered online. its like getting a little present in the mail. I always enjoyed getting my cloth diaper packages when I was ordering them, they were "fluffy mail". Every time I order something off of etsy, I am always anxious to receive the package. I like to see how much care the individual put into the packaging, some are really nice, others - eh - but as long as I get what I ordered I am happy and love opening the mailbox to a package.
That is what I get for being a SAHM, I shop online and look forward to getting my "present" to myself
That is what I get for being a SAHM, I shop online and look forward to getting my "present" to myself
Friday, January 2, 2009
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Living in the Now
This post is inspired by my friend Bree's latest entry.
Living in the present is so very important.
I believe I do this most of the time.
I have memory issues - I am not sure if they are self-inflicted so that I can live in the now, or if they are related to my epilepsy and the meds I take for it. (it is completely controlled)
I don't dwell in the past much, because I can't remember alot of it. What I do remember is emotions connected to the present.
Let me explain, I take my younger son, Ay for a bike ride or play in the yard with him, while my oldest, J, is at school. I find myself suddenly nostalgic remembering my J doing the same things with me, (not all that long ago), I almost feel guilty about it, The emotion is guilt I believe. It can bring me to tears. I realize this is totally unfair to Ay. I find myself realizing what I am doing and have to reel myself in to the present, I say self, "stay here with Ay right now, enjoy this as much as you ever did with J, if not more. Years from now you will feel guilt for not enjoying this, and you will be so nostalgic for this very moment" Suddenly I find myself enjoying the now again.
I do have to force myself to "make memories" - if something feels special to me I focus on every feeling, scent, sight of that moment. These are the memories I get that nostalgic feeling about.
And the ones I can remember the most. When my Ay was 8 months old, I was all alone with him holding him as he snuggled close, I realized this may be the last time in my life I get to hold such a small body, which Is MY child so close. I relished in the moment, now it is such a joyous memory with all the feelings attached, I can easily tear up remembering that moment. I am happy to have such feelings about the past, but realize if I dwell that can be unhealthy so I force myself back to here.
Blogging also helps with ridding me of an unpleasant now. If something is on my mind and I don't really want it to stay there, just write it out, and let it go. That way it is still around, but I don't have to keep it with me.
As far as how the future helps me stay in the present,
when I was in high school, every grown up kept saying how this was the best time of our lives, to enjoy it because when it was gone, it was gone. I was sitting outside eating my lunch with friends, when I thought of what this meant, I looked around at all the wonderful people around me and imagined them not there anymore, because of growing up and having responsibilities, that is when it hit me to enjoy every second, because that future wasn't here yet, and I may not enjoy it as much. Or I might but because it is unknown and I was happy at that moment, that is where I wanted to stay. This moment is when I started consciously "making memories".
When I think about the future now, I have no feelings attached, I feel like I can take it when it comes and not worry about it now. I realize than now means more than stressing about what hasn't happened yet.
The only time I do really contemplate the future is when the now isn't pleasant.
I recently made a sale, It was an enameled piece, right before packaging it up at 9 at night, I noticed a chip in it. Now I do not want to sell something online which is flawed. I decided to fire it one time to reflow the enamel.
well I must have not cleaned it well enough because that one firing ruined it! I had already sole it and it was ruined.
The only thing to do was make it over. I worked til 1am. and it still wasn't right. It is very difficult to get enamel the same in two pieces. I have to say near impossible. So right before bed I said this to myself (I always say this in hopeless or uncomfortable situations - which also allows me to involve myself in situations which my shyness almost cripples me, I do them anyway and get through saying this)
"Think about next week, (or 3 days or a month, whatever time frame is appropriate), next week this will all be over and either it will be a good outcome or a bad one, but next week it will be over and you will still be here and you will be OK."
This allows me to push through a difficult now, but it also allows me to still experience the now.
This probably wasn't cohesive or coherent, but that is ok.
Living in the present is so very important.
I believe I do this most of the time.
I have memory issues - I am not sure if they are self-inflicted so that I can live in the now, or if they are related to my epilepsy and the meds I take for it. (it is completely controlled)
I don't dwell in the past much, because I can't remember alot of it. What I do remember is emotions connected to the present.
Let me explain, I take my younger son, Ay for a bike ride or play in the yard with him, while my oldest, J, is at school. I find myself suddenly nostalgic remembering my J doing the same things with me, (not all that long ago), I almost feel guilty about it, The emotion is guilt I believe. It can bring me to tears. I realize this is totally unfair to Ay. I find myself realizing what I am doing and have to reel myself in to the present, I say self, "stay here with Ay right now, enjoy this as much as you ever did with J, if not more. Years from now you will feel guilt for not enjoying this, and you will be so nostalgic for this very moment" Suddenly I find myself enjoying the now again.
I do have to force myself to "make memories" - if something feels special to me I focus on every feeling, scent, sight of that moment. These are the memories I get that nostalgic feeling about.
And the ones I can remember the most. When my Ay was 8 months old, I was all alone with him holding him as he snuggled close, I realized this may be the last time in my life I get to hold such a small body, which Is MY child so close. I relished in the moment, now it is such a joyous memory with all the feelings attached, I can easily tear up remembering that moment. I am happy to have such feelings about the past, but realize if I dwell that can be unhealthy so I force myself back to here.
Blogging also helps with ridding me of an unpleasant now. If something is on my mind and I don't really want it to stay there, just write it out, and let it go. That way it is still around, but I don't have to keep it with me.
As far as how the future helps me stay in the present,
when I was in high school, every grown up kept saying how this was the best time of our lives, to enjoy it because when it was gone, it was gone. I was sitting outside eating my lunch with friends, when I thought of what this meant, I looked around at all the wonderful people around me and imagined them not there anymore, because of growing up and having responsibilities, that is when it hit me to enjoy every second, because that future wasn't here yet, and I may not enjoy it as much. Or I might but because it is unknown and I was happy at that moment, that is where I wanted to stay. This moment is when I started consciously "making memories".
When I think about the future now, I have no feelings attached, I feel like I can take it when it comes and not worry about it now. I realize than now means more than stressing about what hasn't happened yet.
The only time I do really contemplate the future is when the now isn't pleasant.
I recently made a sale, It was an enameled piece, right before packaging it up at 9 at night, I noticed a chip in it. Now I do not want to sell something online which is flawed. I decided to fire it one time to reflow the enamel.
well I must have not cleaned it well enough because that one firing ruined it! I had already sole it and it was ruined.
The only thing to do was make it over. I worked til 1am. and it still wasn't right. It is very difficult to get enamel the same in two pieces. I have to say near impossible. So right before bed I said this to myself (I always say this in hopeless or uncomfortable situations - which also allows me to involve myself in situations which my shyness almost cripples me, I do them anyway and get through saying this)
"Think about next week, (or 3 days or a month, whatever time frame is appropriate), next week this will all be over and either it will be a good outcome or a bad one, but next week it will be over and you will still be here and you will be OK."
This allows me to push through a difficult now, but it also allows me to still experience the now.
This probably wasn't cohesive or coherent, but that is ok.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Christmas Time!
I love Christmas Time, moreso since I had kids.
I don't particularly like the commercialism surrounding Christmas.
However the parts of the commercialism I do like is - going to the mall and sitting on a bench and watching the people. People can be quite entertaining!
I like the fact that is boosts the economy! I worked at a high end Jewelry store for a while, and believe me they start talking Christmas in July! Christmas is when they make their money, I dare say half the years profit comes from Christmas time.
As far as my teeny tiny business goes, nothing really changes at Christmas time, I have made some specific Christmas sales over the years, but nothing to brag about.
This year, no different
I can't even put my new merchandise in my shop,
MY CAMERA BROKE! All the way BROKE!
Traditionally we would go to my parents house for Christmas. My family and my Brother's family.
Since my dad died 3.5 years ago, we have tried to keep up the tradition. But it is not the same!
We get together, and my hubby makes my dad's special dish, and there is just an air of, well not the same joy that there used to be.
There are 3 small children now though, and it is very fun to watch all three tear into their gifts.
that is very joyous!
My husband and I, do not have alot of $$, therefore we cannot get great gifts for my mother, brother and SIL. Though we try to for the kids.
There is some (not guilt, not shame, I just can't think of the word) because they always get us really nice, and expensive things.
My mother always asks what we want specifically, and what we want is never cheap. But she seems to get joy out of getting us those things we cannot get for ourselves.
I don't really care for the getting something for someone because I asked what they want, but I would rather put some thought and creativity into it. Even if I gave someone a four-leaf clover for good luck, that should mean more than some $1000 leather boots (just an example).
Anyway we have made the decision to break away from our standard christmas.
We don't want to drive 3 hours again (just did it for Thanksgiving and the kids were not happy about the drive). We don't care for sleeping in a bed which is too small for hubby, me and my youngest. Its cold there. And my dad isn't here anymore, why try to keep things the same, when they are not?
And Christmas does not even mean the same for us as it does them.
They are all Christian and Jesus birth yadda yadda,
For me I prefer to celebrate in a more pagan style - ya know the original festivities.
The tree, yule log, garland, ext....
I hate lying to my kids about Santa. When my oldest was one and two years old people kept asking what Santa was bringing. I hated to start with it, and felt I had no choice. Now they believe whole heartedly.
Oh well maybe when they realize Santa is not a real entity they will question other made up Characters.
And maybe they will not begrudge us for lying, for the sake of the magic and wonder of Christmas.
This year we will be celebrating with friends! YAY I am so excited. I am looking forward to helping plan the food, and making the food, I want to make a Yule Log Cake with my kids on the Solstice, They need to know what Solstice is all about, not enough people celebrate it in its own right. And I am making gifts for them from the heart. My kids will also make something, though I am not sure what yet. I want my hubby to also but he is so busy he may not be able to.
That is ok though, this christmas is about family and friends and togetherness, and love, more than gift giving.
We want to give my kids a good Christmas first and foremost. We have already gotten my eldest son a bike and my younger one a nice jungle play set.
They may get a few more items but it won't be much this year.
Anyways I am happy, and I am pulling out the decorations soon!
I don't particularly like the commercialism surrounding Christmas.
However the parts of the commercialism I do like is - going to the mall and sitting on a bench and watching the people. People can be quite entertaining!
I like the fact that is boosts the economy! I worked at a high end Jewelry store for a while, and believe me they start talking Christmas in July! Christmas is when they make their money, I dare say half the years profit comes from Christmas time.
As far as my teeny tiny business goes, nothing really changes at Christmas time, I have made some specific Christmas sales over the years, but nothing to brag about.
This year, no different
I can't even put my new merchandise in my shop,
MY CAMERA BROKE! All the way BROKE!
Traditionally we would go to my parents house for Christmas. My family and my Brother's family.
Since my dad died 3.5 years ago, we have tried to keep up the tradition. But it is not the same!
We get together, and my hubby makes my dad's special dish, and there is just an air of, well not the same joy that there used to be.
There are 3 small children now though, and it is very fun to watch all three tear into their gifts.
that is very joyous!
My husband and I, do not have alot of $$, therefore we cannot get great gifts for my mother, brother and SIL. Though we try to for the kids.
There is some (not guilt, not shame, I just can't think of the word) because they always get us really nice, and expensive things.
My mother always asks what we want specifically, and what we want is never cheap. But she seems to get joy out of getting us those things we cannot get for ourselves.
I don't really care for the getting something for someone because I asked what they want, but I would rather put some thought and creativity into it. Even if I gave someone a four-leaf clover for good luck, that should mean more than some $1000 leather boots (just an example).
Anyway we have made the decision to break away from our standard christmas.
We don't want to drive 3 hours again (just did it for Thanksgiving and the kids were not happy about the drive). We don't care for sleeping in a bed which is too small for hubby, me and my youngest. Its cold there. And my dad isn't here anymore, why try to keep things the same, when they are not?
And Christmas does not even mean the same for us as it does them.
They are all Christian and Jesus birth yadda yadda,
For me I prefer to celebrate in a more pagan style - ya know the original festivities.
The tree, yule log, garland, ext....
I hate lying to my kids about Santa. When my oldest was one and two years old people kept asking what Santa was bringing. I hated to start with it, and felt I had no choice. Now they believe whole heartedly.
Oh well maybe when they realize Santa is not a real entity they will question other made up Characters.
And maybe they will not begrudge us for lying, for the sake of the magic and wonder of Christmas.
This year we will be celebrating with friends! YAY I am so excited. I am looking forward to helping plan the food, and making the food, I want to make a Yule Log Cake with my kids on the Solstice, They need to know what Solstice is all about, not enough people celebrate it in its own right. And I am making gifts for them from the heart. My kids will also make something, though I am not sure what yet. I want my hubby to also but he is so busy he may not be able to.
That is ok though, this christmas is about family and friends and togetherness, and love, more than gift giving.
We want to give my kids a good Christmas first and foremost. We have already gotten my eldest son a bike and my younger one a nice jungle play set.
They may get a few more items but it won't be much this year.
Anyways I am happy, and I am pulling out the decorations soon!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Excercising the body
I need to get into shape. I have been doing my yoga practice for about 2 weeks now, minus a few days here and there (I can't seem to do it when my hubby or son is here - too distracting)
During my practice I can really pinpoint 3 spots in my body which are not up to par. I knew about them already but it really brings them into focus.
they are my wrist (I have a ganglion cyst - which may be the beginnings of arthritis (wtf I am too young) and my shoulder - (might be pulled from carrying my young son.) and my right ear. I know the inner ear is about 40% weakened, at least I am not dizzy anymore (knock on wood) _ I was plagues for a year and a half with vertigo.
I contemplated not living anymore if it continued. It was torture.
Well back to getting into shape and exercising I will apply
Newton's Law of motion to it
"A body in motion stays in motion, A body at rest will stay at rest"
During my practice I can really pinpoint 3 spots in my body which are not up to par. I knew about them already but it really brings them into focus.
they are my wrist (I have a ganglion cyst - which may be the beginnings of arthritis (wtf I am too young) and my shoulder - (might be pulled from carrying my young son.) and my right ear. I know the inner ear is about 40% weakened, at least I am not dizzy anymore (knock on wood) _ I was plagues for a year and a half with vertigo.
I contemplated not living anymore if it continued. It was torture.
Well back to getting into shape and exercising I will apply
Newton's Law of motion to it
"A body in motion stays in motion, A body at rest will stay at rest"
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I stand by my last entry
I searched for 45 minutes yesterday for my card reader to put pictures on the computer, then 20 minutes for a cord to hook the camera in directly. No luck in either endeavor.
So today it came to me in a flash, "if I were a toddler, where would I put it?" In that diaper box which is open but never used right under the desk. Sure enough within 10 seconds today, I looked and found it.
I should have not wasted my time yesterday. I probably would have eventually found it, but it is easier, and wastes less time to let it come to me. When I realized this and made my post yesterday, I stopped my search at that moment.
So today it came to me in a flash, "if I were a toddler, where would I put it?" In that diaper box which is open but never used right under the desk. Sure enough within 10 seconds today, I looked and found it.
I should have not wasted my time yesterday. I probably would have eventually found it, but it is easier, and wastes less time to let it come to me. When I realized this and made my post yesterday, I stopped my search at that moment.
Friday, November 21, 2008
My all time favorite Quote
"You can look....and you will FIND it. You can not look.....and you WILL find it. That which is yours will surely come to you."
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Dancing
I got to go to work today! I am so lucky to be able to be happy to go to work!
My ritual is turn everything on, light fresh handdipped incense, open a can of cream soda (I substituted hot spiced cider today, because it was cold, and turn the music on.
When I am enameling I find myself dancing. It is so liberating and fun to break loose, where no one can see me. I would be so embarrased if someone saw me in there acting like a raving lunatic, singing and dancing and enameling.
What else am I supposed to do during those 2.5 minutes during firing.
I must get loads of exercise. Oh well it just counteracts the calories in the cream soda (or spiced cider)
I have fun! And get stuff done at the same time.
My ritual is turn everything on, light fresh handdipped incense, open a can of cream soda (I substituted hot spiced cider today, because it was cold, and turn the music on.
When I am enameling I find myself dancing. It is so liberating and fun to break loose, where no one can see me. I would be so embarrased if someone saw me in there acting like a raving lunatic, singing and dancing and enameling.
What else am I supposed to do during those 2.5 minutes during firing.
I must get loads of exercise. Oh well it just counteracts the calories in the cream soda (or spiced cider)
I have fun! And get stuff done at the same time.
Monday, November 17, 2008
creative block and toxins
I got out to the studio today!!
Granted it was only for 2.5 hours, but my creative block is gone!
I got two projects halfway done.
I think I was holding in to much bothersome information. I have written a lot of it out and it is released from my head for now.
I can do that you know, just let things go and totally forget them and focus on the here and now.
But I like to document the now for later. I don't like forgetting things which are important to me.
People around me find my forgetfulness annoying too. But most of the time I find it refreshing to not worry about the future too much and forget the past.
Then when I do go back to it (in written format) I can remember and look at it with a new perspective.
It amazes me how liberating writing things down is. It is like releasing the toxicity from my mind and body.
Now I must go do some yoga for further relaxation and release of toxins.
Granted it was only for 2.5 hours, but my creative block is gone!
I got two projects halfway done.
I think I was holding in to much bothersome information. I have written a lot of it out and it is released from my head for now.
I can do that you know, just let things go and totally forget them and focus on the here and now.
But I like to document the now for later. I don't like forgetting things which are important to me.
People around me find my forgetfulness annoying too. But most of the time I find it refreshing to not worry about the future too much and forget the past.
Then when I do go back to it (in written format) I can remember and look at it with a new perspective.
It amazes me how liberating writing things down is. It is like releasing the toxicity from my mind and body.
Now I must go do some yoga for further relaxation and release of toxins.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Inspiration
I don't get to my studio often, but the last couple of times I have been so uninspired that nothing manifested itself from my hands.
Yesterday I realized part of the problem. While playing with my kids on the trampoline, I just sat there for a moment with them running circles around me. and it struck me, I miss nature.
I looked out to see the leaves blowing in the wind like snowflakes, covering the ground like a beautiful multicolored blanket, and that wind was intoxicating in and of itself. It was not hot, it was not cold, the sun was not out, but it was beautiful and magical, with the grey clouds swirling overhead.
I need to get out more. Nature is my spiritual base, and I am separated from it lately.
I have a friend who lives in the mountains of NC. She posts pictures of where she lives every now and then. The place she is in calls to my spirit. I want to be there so very badly.
rolling hills as far at the eye can see, mountain tops overlooking more rolling hills and peaks. gorgeous!
This environment calls to me more than the ocean. I love the ocean and the beach, but it doesn't have the same sparkle for me.
The closest it has come was a morning when the water was as calm as a lake. I paddled out on my surfboard anyway. As I sat straddling the board on that still water, watching the sun rise over the ocean, and the gulls passing overhead, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the beauty and sheer majesty of where I was.
I need to get back to that place and don't know how, I am sure there is more to where I live than the beach, If I can just find it.
Yesterday I realized part of the problem. While playing with my kids on the trampoline, I just sat there for a moment with them running circles around me. and it struck me, I miss nature.
I looked out to see the leaves blowing in the wind like snowflakes, covering the ground like a beautiful multicolored blanket, and that wind was intoxicating in and of itself. It was not hot, it was not cold, the sun was not out, but it was beautiful and magical, with the grey clouds swirling overhead.
I need to get out more. Nature is my spiritual base, and I am separated from it lately.
I have a friend who lives in the mountains of NC. She posts pictures of where she lives every now and then. The place she is in calls to my spirit. I want to be there so very badly.
rolling hills as far at the eye can see, mountain tops overlooking more rolling hills and peaks. gorgeous!
This environment calls to me more than the ocean. I love the ocean and the beach, but it doesn't have the same sparkle for me.
The closest it has come was a morning when the water was as calm as a lake. I paddled out on my surfboard anyway. As I sat straddling the board on that still water, watching the sun rise over the ocean, and the gulls passing overhead, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the beauty and sheer majesty of where I was.
I need to get back to that place and don't know how, I am sure there is more to where I live than the beach, If I can just find it.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Like a Kid in a Toy Store
I LOVE Harbor Freight Tools store!
They have tools there I just dream about owning! And so inexpensive.
Rio Grande is so very expensive in comparison, and they always charge $13 for shipping no matter what, actually it is probably more than that now.
My wish list (hopefully I can afford some of this someday)
Hydrolic press
mini saw
bench top shears
sandblaster
and many more - those are just at the top of my list
They have tools there I just dream about owning! And so inexpensive.
Rio Grande is so very expensive in comparison, and they always charge $13 for shipping no matter what, actually it is probably more than that now.
My wish list (hopefully I can afford some of this someday)
Hydrolic press
mini saw
bench top shears
sandblaster
and many more - those are just at the top of my list
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